Dumb Blonde Jokes
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyer leans over to
her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants
to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains:
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay
me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she
is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and,
figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and
hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three
legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.
He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital
cellphone via infrared wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the
Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his coworkers, friends, clients,
and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the
$50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so
what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer
$5, and goes back to sleep.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly
for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I
see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost
nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow
my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going
to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the
opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are
already on the other side."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car,
he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she
was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned
on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER! "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were
the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian
and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the
sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're
not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her
license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and
she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then
asked, "Is it on or off?"
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no"
type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and
starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No"
for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating
it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering
and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I
finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child
and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde" She pinned
the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning,
she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money.
I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding
anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone.
He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"
he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's
one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
NOT BLONDE, but . . .
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens
would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and
$12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost
any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The
Russians used a pencil.